The Pain You Feel Inside
by jenniferlovvrence
Summary: From 6th movie: Draco is scared and confused. He doesn't want this job but he has to do it to please the Death Eaters. This is his side of the story. Angst. Please read and review. One shot.


A/N: This story is told in Draco Malfoy's Point of View. I ad recently seen the sixth movie of Harry Potter and I evidently saw the pain in Draco's face (I haven't read the 6th books yet) and wanted to write a fanfic about him. Read and Review!

The Pain You Feel Inside

For the first time in your life you feel important. But suddenly, after all that pining for attention, you don't want this importance anymore.

You feel afraid. You want to curl up in your mother's comforting arms and stay still listening to her heartbeats. You have the need to cry and scream and ask someone for help to get you out of this. To take you away and just let you be in peace.

That's not going to happen. No. they will make sure you do the job. Kill him. Kill the most powerful wizard to be important. To feel powerful. This is the only way you can be someone to your father. To anyone.

It hurts. Being compared again and again to a boy you hardly know. Still they go on about how you are weak and how he is strong. It pains you that the Death Eaters are all counting on you to do a job that you suddenly realize you're not ready for.

It makes no sense anymore. It didn't have to. The anger inside of you boils and overflows. You kick the bed post and throw down the books from the table. You want to be someone other than Malfoy's son. The weak white-blonde haired kid. You want to Draco Malfoy, the man who killed the headmaster of Hogwarts.

Then you turn your fury to the boy that makes your life so miserable without even lifting a finger.

Harry freaking Potter.

Your father is away too often for liking because of that stupid boy. He thinks he is so misunderstood because both his parents are dead. He thinks he's all that because he lived an attack from Voldemort. That idiot Neville Longbottom could've also been the boy who lived too. But no, stupid Potter who believes the world is at his side ruins your life day by day, minute by minute, taking your family away from you. Only because he lives.

You want his happiness taken away…like yours is been taken away from you. You want him to suffer. You want him to die.

Killing Dumbledore is the way to do that. Harry Potter will be so upset. He might cry. A bonus. As long as you get what you want.

NO!

Harry Potter, as much as you hate him, has nothing to do with it as of for the moment. Meet your objective. That is the order.

But you still don't want the burden.

You slowly leave your dorm room to run to the bathroom. You look yourself into the mirror, expecting the determined man. No. You see a child. A scared, angry, crying child. Your hair is messy and hanging in your eyes. Your clothes are wrinkled; your shirt's buttons are all almost undone. Your eyes are wide. The tears fall easily.

You feel ashamed.

You don't want this.

You hate this.

You hate yourself

You hate your father.

You hate everything.

Everything should die. Disappear. Nothing should exist. Neither should you.

You lean over the sink and cry. All your pain will wash down the drain. Or so you hope. But the pain still continues, even as you are almost done crying. The chest constricts with a hollowing pain –like a hole right through your chest. You clutch and grab at yourself as onto the edge of the sink basin as if trying to hold on for your life. It hurts so much. You want it to end. Someone end this.

But no one comes to help you. You lean against the wall and gasp at the imaginary ache and you whine and moan and cry. Why won't anyone help you? Someone please end this!

You suddenly think back to your fourth year when you learned of the three curses. Would it be so bad if you used one on yourself? Would it be so unforgivable if you cursed yourself?

You could use the Imperious Curse to maybe command yourself to kill Dumbledore. Would it work? Then you could use the Cruciatus Curse to torture yourself so that your pain in the chest wouldn't even feel like anything. You want that curse so much. Or lastly, you could kill yourself within a heartbeat with Avada Kedavra.

Yet you don't lift your wand. You don't want to die either. You are so afraid.

You grit your teeth and you take a deep breath.

_Don't think. Just do._

You get out of the bathroom and back up to your dorm. Your peers watch you strangely, probably remembering your weird, hasty retreat. But they don't insult you, because they know their place and they know yours.

You walk back to your dormitory. You lie in bed and stare up at the tall ceiling wondering what your possible next move is. Your friend –ex-friend now –comes up and sits on his bed.

"You okay mate?" he asks you quietly. You don't answer for a few minutes, which he immediately takes that as a "no". You know you have to act as normal as possible.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alright, take care of yourself then."

That anger you felt before comes back, but you do not lash at the boy.

"Okay," you answer your voice quivering.

It doesn't feel fair. You only wanted to have fun. To be a kid.

Why does this happen?

* * *

You feel trapped. You cannot breathe. So much darkness is wrapping itself around your body. You hear laughter and screams mixed together. The shattering of glass. You see your father in his Death Eaters Mask.

"GET UP BOY!" You cannot tell if it is your father's voice or if it belongs to someone else. But you don't want to know. You pinch yourself to wake up.

You don't.

You close your eyes and focus while the mirage of your father is slowly blurring. You take a peek at him but all you see is his face white as a ghost, blood dripping out of his eyes like tears and his tongue a deep blue. You become afraid for him, even though you are aware that this is all a dream. You step closer to him; to try to get him close to you so you can shield him from whatever was happening to him. But when you're finally close enough, you reach out and touch glass.

A mirror.

The man in the glass isn't your father, but it is you.

Someone comes up behind you and you feel as though there is a cold, frozen hand wrapping itself around your neck.

You turn yourself around and see someone –something –you've never seen before. A bald head and a nose that were just two slits. The creature's eyes were so black.

_Do what you're told._

You wake up covered in sweat, gasping for breath. The chill immediately leaves your body, but you still feel cold inside.

You close your eyes; take a deep breath to calm your nerves.

You lie back down and fall asleep.

A/N: I thought that was pretty angsty…. Poor Draco. I actually felt really bad for him in the movie. Please Review! It's appreciated!


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